FATAL IMAGE'S "REAL DEAL" RANTS
These articles will just be various opinions by me, (FatalImage on ICC, Kefka on FICS). My opinions should be taken as fact, though, because I am a online chess veteran, dating all the way back to the old-school ICS. Who are you to be disagreeing with me, you newbie? Anyway, language may get a little extreme at times, but that shouldn't be a problem. Whenever I mention someone's username or just talking about anything in general, Always assume it's about ICC. Unless I say otherwise in the text I am talking about ICC.




The Life and Times of Chesswhiz (a.k.a WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOUR MOM SMOKES CRACK WHILE PREGNANT)


Let me open by saying that chesswhiz is a man (boy?) of very questionable character. Chesswhiz has screwed me several times and done so much lame shit. To share all of these experiences would take up more web space than I think is allowed here. I've decided to save most of it for when I publish my memoirs.

Let's get some facts out in the open: This guy is in possession of at least five accounts, I believe, possibly more. They are:

Chesswhiz
Chesswhiz2(C)
Chesswhiz3(C)
iwantarefund
wild5knight

Notice that chesswhiz2 was a human account but got tagged with a (C) for (C)heating. GG. Blasting the cheaters is something I will have to leave for a future article.

Now it so happens that on the date of May 30, 2000, I personally witnessed chesswhiz.. well I will try and use a politically correct term here, he was "transferring points". I saw him artifically inflate his wild rating by several hundred points doing the following. He logged on as wild5knight and resigned MANY wild5 games to iwantarefund. Then he had iwantarefund resign a ton of wild5 games to chesswhiz. I was just sitting here watching this sickening display the whole time. The games were clearly rigged (Nh6 Nc3 white resigns, etc). For evidence, I saved many of the games in my library (lib FatalImage) so there can be no question about what went on that day. I presented the evidence to an admin who said he would take care of it, but nothing at all has been done. Kinda disappointing. Playing yourself, as well as point dumping are considered abuse in "help abuse". No worries though, his rating has already started to correct itself, as his actual skills are nowhere close to his inflated 2300+ rating. He has already lost over 150 points. My buddy Chronatog always gets his ratings reset on various servers for doing nothing wrong, but Chesswhiz gets away with this. What can you do..


Back to the main focus of this article, which is that chesswhiz is a douchebag. chesswhiz's latest antics: There was a littleper tourney, 1 0 wild 5 double round-robin. chesswhiz joins first I think, soon after, three more people join to fill it, myself, w17man, and Silverchair. Unfortunately I did not even pay any attention to tbe Bettingbot action, not sure if anyone even featurereqed it, but anyway, Round 1 comes, I beat silverchair, and chesswhiz LOSES as white to w17man! LOL. Right now, chesswhiz was probably realizing that he fucked up bad by entering this tourney, and that he was going to pay DEARLY in terms of rating points, especially with his artificially inflated rating. He was looking at two losses to me and possibly one more to w17man. So our fearless hero chesswhiz leaves the tourney after one round! If you join a four-player DRR and leave after one round, you've fucked up the tourney, gg. You think playing a DRR with three people is fun?

The funny part is, the next round w17man starts griping in the channel, like 'hey where did chesswhiz go?'. The manager says that 'he said he had to go to his baseball game'. I think to myself: what kind of boy genius joins a Littleper tourney two minutes before he has to go to a baseball game? So he's either stupid or a liar, take your pick.

NO, THE STORY DOESN'T END THERE. A short time after the tourney ends, maybe 20-30 minutes after, chesswhiz comes back. I send him a tell "nice job pussying out on that w5 tourney". He says "leave me alone dude I had to mow my lawn!" Now is "mowing your lawn" some strange new metaphor for playing baseball? I don't think so, so obviously chesswhiz is a real busy guy! A baseball game and mowing your lawn, and he did it all in half an hour! Amazing!

This is just one of the MANY times i have caught chesswhiz in a lie. An example of his typical tactics is one time when he pulled a HUGE winquit on me. This is back when I was willing to play him, since then I have +noplayed him permanently due to excessive bullshitting (and MAN you shoud've heard him whine when I noplayed him). We would play wild 5, and he would only play 1 0 because he sucks. I would always give him plenty of rematches to at least let him salvage some of his meager rating, as eventually he would squeeze out a few lucky wins on time. Despite my extreme hospitality at all times, he did a sickening winquit on me one day, he won 2 out of 3 and QUIT on me even though he owed me one as white. He made up some weak excuse why he had to go, he said he needed to wash his dick or something like that. I'm not buying it for a second, so after he logs off, I log off too and come back as a guest so he thinks I'm gone. Not 10 minutes later, miraculously he is back on ICC and playing games.

A very funny yet pathetic instance was the time noted above, when I caught him red-handed giving himself points with his dupe accounts. I mean literally catching him in the act resigning games to himself. He clearly got a little nervous, he started sputtering and making excuses. He lays this gem on me (paraphrasing) "he asked me if i wanted points! he wanted to lose points i think". Now this is a BLATANT lie, but still I humor him and point out that "your behavior is still prohibited by point #3 in help abuse: "Accepting multiple wins from a player who is intentionally losing." There then followed a minute or two of silence followed by him going "hey did my brother do something wrong??" "hey what did my brother do? something bad?" "tell me what my brother did so i can get him grounded". DUDE WTF??! HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM??? Again, this is just one of so many examples. He lies to me SO much and even though I repeatedly tell him that I know for a fact he is lying, he still never ends the charade. It would bring me a lot of pleasure if just once, chesswhiz would give up the act and say to me "ok fatal, fuck you nigger, of course i was lying my ass off, so what". That would have to be his first step towards getting any respect from me.





Qualo, the man who would never venture outside



Jeez Qualo sure is a moron. And a loser. First of all here is his finger -n:

rating [need] win loss draw total best
Wild 1704 [6] 1958 966 8 2932 2252 (03-Feb-1999)
Bughouse 2118 [6] 24257 12334 45 36636 2378 (30-May-1999)
Crazyhouse 2140 1572 859 2 2433 2256 (21-May-2000)
Bullet 1857 [8] 14561 9186 817 24564 2325 (17-Jun-1997)
Blitz 1939 [8] 3346 2474 284 6104 2172 (18-Feb-1997)
Standard 1857 [6] 5 2 0 7

Look at the numbers of games played. Poor guy apparently never leaves the house. Playing crazyhouse 24/7 is more important. His third-highest total, his blitz, easily outnumbers my total number of games played on ICC, and I've been a member for almost 3 years, logging on almost every day. And he has 6x times as many bug games as blitz games! Wow!

Also if you read his finger notes it says he thinks he invented crazyhouse. Can you think of anything more ludicrous than this?

These days he is just a lamer who plays w23 all day (him being the inventor and all, lol). But he is a perma-enemy of mine from the days when he bugged.

I quote MYSELF from the Bug Board:

"Qualo - definitely the biggest ICC lamer of all. Censors anyone and everyone who disagrees with him in any way. Allegedly has thousands of names on his censor list, including every possible guest name. He's just so terrified that someone will say something that will upset him. This is such a sad way to live life, trying to shelter yourself from any kind of conflict. Such a person is probably a recluse in real life. This can be verified by fingering him. Sure enough, he spends a ridiculous amount of time on ICC and has more rated games than any non-computer I have ever seen. He only plays crazyhouse now but back in the day, he used to be a rotten sport in bughouse. He had no qualms with refusing to abort in bughouse games, even when one was clearly called for (e.g. him or his partner lagging bad). He would gladly pocket the cheap win and say "thanks for the game" or some crap like that.
"

Some people said that its ok that he would never abort, because he stated it in his finger notes and does it consistently, regardless of the game situation. Sorry but just because somebody does something consistently doesn't make it right. There's no logical reason to NEVER abort, besides being stubborn. And for him to censor me just for telling him how dumb he is not to abort? He can go eat a bowl of dick.




More Trivia



Did you know the operator of Crazycomp(C) will +noplay you if he sees you beat it in wild 5? I hate computer operators who protect the computer's rating. As if the rating of a crafty clone is somehow a reflection of the operator?




Schoenborn = spineless




Some good trivia for you: schoenborn was the first person to ever winquit on me! Normally winquitting is not a big deal to me, but winquitting in wild5 after one game where you had white is a very very low thing to do. This is exactly what schoenborn did, back in '96 or so. I literally badgered him for a rematch for WEEKS and he absolutely refused. This incredible act of cowardice is probably what set me on the path towards hating just about everyone I come across on FICS/ICC. That and TheRaven's cowardly tactics.

I ended up having the last laugh, after being banned I came back as RealDeal and WIPED THE FLOOR with schoenborn in several w5 games. Didn't tell him who I was though :( At the time, I was still trying to stay on the down low.

A sad story somewhat related to the above: This is still back in '97, while my RealDeal identity was still relatively unknown, so I thought I would launch an attack on TheRaven's rating. Back then, he was actively eeking w5 newbies at the time to inflate his rating. He was generally hated (and still is) because he would not play anybody who knew what they were doing. Of course he had censored FatalImage long ago, but not RealDeal! Even I was not prepared for how much of a coward this guy could be. I matched him 5 12 r wild 5, and he accepted, after all I looked like a newbie. I was black, the first few moves went Nf6 Nc3, Ng4 Nd5, g8=Q Nf3, and all of a sudden he starts flipping out, asking for an abort repeatedly, and kibbing "abort, I have to go" over and over. I was full aware of how much of a prick he is, so I wasn't about to give him an abort. I wanted to cash him in $$. Still he insisted on aborting and I wouldn't budge, so TheRaven DISCONNECTED, came right back, and refused to continue the game. I asked him why not continue, surprisingly he didn't censor me immediately, he just said the game would be adjduciated as an abort, and there was nothing I can do about it. I immediately rattled off a message to adjudicate (*) asking him PLEASE not to adjudicate the stored game between myself and TheRaven, as he was intentionally not continuing the game even though we are both online, and on top of that the required 7-day period outlined in "help adjudicate" had not yet elapsed. And wouldn't you know it, adjudicate(*) aborted the game the next day. Fuck you adjudicate(*) you dumb shit. And fuck TheRaven for being the most spineless person on the planet. What kind of person refuses to play someone because they managed to survive for three moves? Absolutely amazing. It wasn't long before I was censored by TheRaven yet again.

BTW it turns out TheRaven never had to go. He stayed online for a long time after the incident. Funny, huh?




Thankers



If you thank your opponent after each game, you are part of the group known as "thankers", the lowest form of life on ICC. If you say something especially idiotic like "thx" or "tx", you are even lower than the thankers. You only WISH you could be as good as the lowly thanker. People who repeatedly say thanks after games get the hammer dropped on them by me. (noplay/censor). Although I usually don't censor, it is a cowardly act, I do have to use it only in some extreme cases. Saying "thx" is a guaranteed noplay. Can someone tell me in which language "thx", "tks" and "tx" are supposed to mean thanks? Because it certainly isn't English. And I don't need any foreigners babbling at me. That's why the +noplay is needed. If I'm not playing them ever again, I won't ever need to hear their bullshit again.

When someone says "tx" I feel it is my duty to make them feel foolish. So here is the scenario I try to create, opponent says "tx". I say "cool, I'm from MA". Usually this gets no reply. They don't quite get it. At this point they may or may not find out that I have +noplayed them. Anyway, I wait a bit and then say "so how are things down in Texas, I have some relatives down there". Them: "I'm not from Texas, I'm from Jerkoff, Tennessee". Me: "But you said "tx" isn't that the two-letter code for Texas?" Them: "oh I meant thanks, as in thanks for the game". Me: "ok then here's what I think of you: bt fc gi nr mw kk wf". Them: feels stupid but will probably continue to say tx to others. But if I help just one person out there see the foolishness of their ways, then it's all worth it.




FICS Sucks



I have an account on FICS too (Kefka). I don't go there much though, because FICS basically sucks. The main problem is lack of people. I can go to FICS and have to wait several minutes just to get a game of 3 0. Ridiculous. If I was not interested in bughouse or crazyhouse I would be miserable on FICS. FICS USED to have a pretty healthy population but over the years, the admins managed to take a big chunk out of that with their very flexible banning policies. Nowadays, more casual players coming on to the Internet who don't want to pay for ICC typically don't even know about FICS and instead play on yahoo.com, zone.com, stuff like that. So there are basically no new players coming in. In that respect, FICS doesn't have much of a future. As long as they can't advertise, and the admins continue to ban the core players, it will go downhill. The admins of FICS are such a JOKE, nothing would make me happier than to see FICS become a ghost town, like EICS, SICS, MEWIS, etc. (although MEWIS deserves better). FICS has slightly better bug action , slightly better crazyhouse action, and better wild5 action. That's the only reason I even go there at all.

Also don't buy into the argument that FICS buggers are so much better than ICC buggers. Maybe they are better but the difference is that the FICS buggers do nothing but play bug. Most of the ICC buggers like to play bug but are not obsessed with it, they play other stuff too. ICC has one bug-obsessed dude JKiller who can easily crush any bugger on FICS. So, GG.

Another reason why FICS sucks: once you have played a reasonable amount of games, you have to take a 2-3 month vacation to get your RDs back to a reasonable level. RD/glicko sucks! Especially the way FICS applies it. A win over someone with the same rating as you should be more than +8 that's for sure.

I pay $24.50 a year for ICC and I would easily pay more. It is worth the money. Look at the awful alternatives. A few years ago I never would've predicted I would sell out to the man but look at me now. GG





Day of Reckoning (hopefully this day will never need to happen)



When I unleash my army of dupes on FICS, there will be no stopping them. They will infest every channel. They will inhabit every room, every closet, every crevice. The rating system will be thrown into complete chaos. Rating points will rain down from the heavens.
The corrupt administrators will be overthrown and banished to channel 24!







Dumbest Computers




Here is a comprehensive list of what I feel are the weakest computers on ICC.

5) KQk(C) - pathetic!! This computer very rarely has winning chances. It loses even to 1000s usually.
4) Jeeves(C)(*) - actually very strong but never plays. So it goes on the list.
3) grr(C) - If you add up its blitz, standard, and bullet rating, you get less than 1800.
2) Frank-theFrog(C) - blitz rating of 447?? I didn't know that was possible.
1) Trainingbot(C) - LOL this computer sucks, practically NEVER WINS!!!! Never seen a computer that loses so consistently. At least the operator had the sense to not let it play rated!





Special note



a note to all ICC players, and all online chess players in general. Please do not clutter your finger notes with boasting about how you won some tomato/flash/wildone etc. tourney. NOBODY CARES. You do realize that almost everyone who plays in these tourneys wins one eventually. It's nothing special at all. In fact it would be more noteworthy if you had never won one. To warn you about the dangers of doing this, I present to you a most extreme case, the notes of Chessstud2000:

Information about ChessStud2000 (Last disconnected Thu Jun 15 2000 19:20):

rating [need] win loss draw total best
      Wild 1670 [6] 23 23 0 46 1747 (02-Aug-1999)
  Bughouse 1948 4444 2276 21 6741 2225 (16-Jun-1999)
Crazyhouse 2003 118 62 1 181 2003 (15-Jun-2000)
    Bullet 1856 160 72 15 247 2009 (05-Aug-1999)
     Blitz 1813 [2] 91 37 9 137 1813 (11-Jun-2000)

1: Hello there! :*) I give Bughouse/Crazyhouse lessons. Message me if you are interested. On 10/26/99, I beat International Master Schroer in 12 moves. Ask me if you dont believe.
2: 1st place at 2000 Texas State Bughouse Championships with GhostShell as my partner. 1st place @ 2000 United States Team East Bughouse Tournament, held in Parsippany, NJ 2-20-00 with JohnConnor1960 as my partner. Have not placed worse then 3rd in any Bughouse tournament I have partaken in.
3: If I get disconnected, I will usually be right back on in a flash! If not, then it must be something serious. --> Do YOU wanna laugh? If so, then type: 'ex ChessStud2000 %3' to see a complete SMASH. For the FASTEST bughouse game mate, do: 'ex ChessStud2000 %76'!
4: To see a great knock-out in W23 against a high rated player, then type: examine ChessStud2000 %16. This occured May 16, 1999.
5: On June 16, 1999 I reached my best bughouse rating -- 2225 and ranked 25th on the Bughouse rank listing. Type: 'wildrank' to see what your ranking is.
6: {Game 184 (ChessStud2000 vs. Parsec) Parsec checkmated} 1-0
7: Parsec tells you: WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8: On 10/22/99, LittlePer s-shouts: ChessStud2000 won the Double Round Robin Crazyhouse 1 0 rated Rating: 0..3999 tournament, with a score of 9/10! LittlePer s-shouts: ChessStud2000 won the Elimination Crazyhouse 1 0 rated Rating: 0..4000 tournament, with a score 3/3!
9: On 6/9/99 I beat gigo(FM) in w23! Go check out the game in my library -- %41! Also on 6/11/99, I beat pap(GM) in 20 moves!! Check it out in my library -- %40! In addition, I also beat Dlugy(GM) in w23 on 6/11/99 -- %44 in my library! On 7/8/99, I defeated Axelo(IM) as well!
10: *** Do you want to make FREE MONEY just for surfing the internet? If so, go to: http://alladvantage.com/joinsecure.asp?refid=[censored]. There is NO CATCH what-so-ever and if you have questions about it, notify me and I'll be more than willing to help! :) ***


And if you think this is bad, take a look at his lib. He has 100 games saved, every one is annotated with an arrogant remark. He seems to only save the games where his opponent blunders into a quick mate. What a waste of space. Chessstud2000 is a fag and should be avoided at all costs.




Special note #2


if you're LAGGING then why the HELL are you playing 1 0??? This happens SO much it's ridiculous. You play someone in a 1 0 and they start lagging for like 5 seconds a move. And of course they're making great moves, who wouldn't with that much time to look at the position? Here is the typical sequence of events

1) I start a game with lagger
2) lagger starts lagging 5-10 seconds per move
3) I ask for abort, citing lagger's lag
4) lagger ignores abort request
5) lagger usually gets a fantastic position because a) he has several seconds to anticipate my move, while waiting for his move to go through and b) I never know exactly when I'm going to receive his move, sometimes costing me time
6) game ends, I say why didn't you abort, you are lagging real bad, this is 1 0 you realize, it's supposed to be FAST??! hello?
7) lagger says I wasn't lagging
8) I ping lagger: lagger is averaging 7560ms per move
9) I say to lagger: you have a lot of nerve playing 1 0 when you are on a 2400 baud modem, while also downloading eight MP3s in the background. Maybe you need to be taught a lesson? Toss my salad, bitch.
10) lagger says something in broken english like 'i did not lag. you are surely sore losser'
11) I finger lagger and the first finger note usually goes something like this: Greetings from Reykjavic, Iceland! My connection to the internet is a can-and-string! I share this bandwith with my entire village so I may get disconnected sometimes!
12) If I'm in a good mood, I calmly +noplay lagger and slander him in my finger notes (If I am in a bad mood, various unmentionable things happen :)
13) seek 1 0 r m, repeat steps 1-12

Appendix A:


another thing which really gets on my nerves is dudes who only play as white. How pathetic is that. Leading the list is Shepard, he does this all the time and censors you if you mention it to him. I hate all people on FICS/ICC who play only as white. They should be herded into concentration camps and thrown into ovens. In the future I hope to expose everyone who does this. In the meantime, harass Shepard for me, he has me censored :P




Til next time, I am FatalImage! Comments should go to me !